Here I grow again God, once more acknowledging my inability to walk the straight and narrow without 100% of my focus being on You. Another test has come and once again I almost failed, yet You never let go! You waited patiently and allowed me to choose. 2012 has brought about two such test Lord, and both I almost failed. As I look behind I wonder why I could not see clearly. Why am I such a slow learner this year God? Failing You or stepping one foot outside Your will is not the desire of my heart. So why must I relearn the same lessons over and over?

Yes Lord, I understand in my weakness, You are strong. If I never experienced weakness, I would not cling to You. Yes, Lord I understand that not all things that are good are your will and purpose for my life. I understand Lord that the enemy has dangled good things in front of me to take me off the path of best things You have planned.

This is a portion of my prayers this afternoon here on the foreign mission fields of Africa. For a couple of months I’ve been struggling with not only some big decisions, but more importantly, struggling to understand a new dimension for me of spiritual warfare. A dimension that is not easily discerned in knowing which side is good and which side is evil.

I’m not sure I can put into words exactly what its like, but I want to try because I want others to know to be aware and take caution. In my ignorance I guess I’ve always thought in spiritual warfare you know which side is the right side because its what appears to be good. Yet, this year, Satans tactics have produced very good things that on most days would be easily discerned as being Gods will.

However, recently through trial and error I have come to understand this new battle plan of his. During this time of learning some new lessons, I realized I had forgotten some of the most basic foundational truths of how to know the will of God.

First, look for where God is working and join Him there as I learned in my very first bible study after I became a follower of Christ; Henry Blackabys Experiencing God. Second, which of the choices would make the greatest eternal difference.

Those two simple reminders put to rest something I’ve been trying to know Gods will for over two months. Once He reminded me of how simple it is to know, I was floored at how hard I had made making the decisions be.

If any of you have words of wisdom you can share with me of your own experiences with this, it would be greatly appreciated. Spiritual warfare is very real and its always been intense here on the mission field. But this is frightening to realize how close I have come twice in making wrong decisions because they were good choices and would not have been ungodly choices. But, they were not where He is actively working and they would not have made a great eternal difference.

So thankful He is patient with me and never gives up on me! I really do want to hear how some of you have learned this and what other advice you could give that I might not have thought of.